The Tampa Bay Times Special Edition: A Poopy Story
Nov 24, 2020 18:32:31 GMT -5
via mobile
razorbacks, Sir Poopy, Duke of Poop, and 1 more like this
Post by Tampa Bay Bull Sharks on Nov 24, 2020 18:32:31 GMT -5
Prelude
You’re probably wondering how we got here. Why would Poopy trust me, a person who has been called Miege’s butt minion, to post this story? Well, it’s probably because the Tampa Bay Times is regarded as the best paper in the business.
When Poopy asked me to narrate his thoughts, to publish an account of the biggest scandal in league history, of course I was skeptical. However, my non-partisan team has decided to provide Poopy the platform he desires to tell his story.
The following depiction is based on true events that occurred in Poopy’s head. Nothing has been omitted and sources have been cross referenced.
In the fantasy basketball system, collusion based offenses are especially heinous. In this GM league, the dedicated detective who investigate these vicious felonies is a member on an interesting team known as Sir King Poopy. This is his story.
The Poopy Story: The untold tale of a hero stopping the greatest steal in the history of corruption
Have you ever wondered how one team is so successful year after year? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself if the system was designed this way - to make the rich even richer while the rest of us are left behind to fend for scraps?!
We all know what that’s like. We all know how it feels to be hungry and tired and at an unbelievable disadvantage. We know these feelings because of the corruption that has run rampant in this league for far too long.
Gone are the days of prosperity and hope. Gone are the days of winning. We don’t win anymore. And why is that? Is it because of bad luck and complacency? No! It’s because of deception, and lies, bad deals, and corruption! It is because of Miege!
Over the course of the last several years, we’ve seen a collapse of our once great league at the hands of a commissioner who once claimed to be a man of the people. A man like you and me. But he was nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing! An imposter! A fraud! Fake news!
What you’re about to read comes from countless hours of testimony from the great flock of owners who are no longer willing to stand idly by while Miege’s corruption runs unchecked. I must warn you, these accounts have been independently corroborated and will paint the picture of wide scale corruption swallowing our once prosperous league. We will defeat the corruption and take back what is ours. We will drain the swamp of butt minions and we will make fantasy basketball great again!
It was a hot summer day in July 2017. Fresh off of my 8th championship, my inbox was flooded with messages from a certain gambling addict whose wife had just left him. This pathetic minion was begging me not to win another championship, hounding me for advice, and pleading with me to not steal his wife! I guess what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas, does it peasant? For far too long, this jabroni wanted to be like me. He wanted to be a ten time champion, king of the league, envied by every single owner. But alas, he was nothing more than jealous trash. Jealous of my superiority. Jealous of my accomplishments. But, and probably saddest of all, he was jealous of his wife for having me all to herself.
Yes, many people say it was in that moment of when Vegas realized that he was just no match for my greatness. He was nothing more than a gnat aimlessly flying in the wind. A mere peasant. And it was in this moment that he tried to take action and have me banished from the league. He ran to his butt minion Miege and said that I called him names and hurt his feelings. Snowflake!
Miege had been drunk with power long before this incident, but this was just the enabling he needed to throw a coup and steal the commissioner election from me! He knew I had the votes to win - it was a landslide! But Miege cheated and fraudulent stole the election. The poll he put up changed all the votes from me to him. He stole it in plain sight! Rigged!
But, I, a man of honor, truth, and decency, vowed to do what was right for our league and return to my throne as the King since that’s a more powerful and desirable title than commissioner anyway. I promised my flock that I would be the shepherd they deserved. A real man of the people and that I would stop this brazen corruption once and for all!
If we know one thing about Miege, other than his corruption and lying nature, we know that he will do anything to win. He’s a notorious bully and a cheater.
According to multiple sources, Miege has, on at least 45 occasions, demanded that they trade him certain players, withdrawal a bid from a free agent, and has strong armed them into massively overpaying for a free agent just to take up cap space so that his team would win the player.
One source, under the condition of anonymity, fighting through a stream of sobs and tears said, “I don’t even cry like this when my team loses and we lose a lot. Like a lot. I’m a terrible owner and an embarrassment to the entire state of Nevada. But when Miege bullies me, it scares me. I feel like I have to do what he says because he has threaten to kick me out of the league if I don’t comply. He controls everything - including the mods.”
The moderators of this league used to be good. Now they’re swamp creatures. Miege has only inserted his butt minions like Tampa Bay, Vegas, Colorado, and Miami into his inner circle. There is no fairness here - these mods are just another enabling layer to Miege’s disdain for law and order. Miege has also replaced owners with minions who kiss his ring every chance they get. OKC and Boston are baby back bitches for following along with this charade! Miege ensures he has the following to control not only the league, but the commissioner elections for decades to come. It’s a scandal!
And it’s not just the power moves inside this inner circle, but also the collusion. In at least 112 incidents, Miege has colluded with numerous teams and engaged in several quid pro quos. This ranges from shoddy back room deals lined up for years in advance, to mathematical inconsistencies to inflate his salary cap while deflating others. Of course, the Fake News media and the Fake News moderators won’t insert themselves into stopping this abuse of power because they are in on it!
Furthermore, censorship against these allegations and truths has hit an all time high. Miege has denied my freedom of speech and has deleted 203 posts I’ve made demonstrating indisputable evidence against his high crimes. He’s destroyed evidence!
But perhaps one of the more insidious things Miege has done recently is his adoption of a second persona. Multiple sources have confirmed that Miege is also the Greatman! That’s right - Miege now has TWO teams in this league and it is his intention to steal the title right out from under us! Do not let this happen. Miege will inevitably deny this. The “greatman” will deny this but don’t be fooled. This is just another tactic by Miege to stop our great movement. We cannot let this happen!
Fighting a righteous war is never easy. In times of desperation and hardship, Kings rise above the rest. When Vegas’s ex wife, who is now my ex-wife, was stolen from me by that butt minion Tampa Bay, I was crushed. How could my father do that to me? But Kings do not wallow! They do not get mad. They get even! So as I am preparing to marry the mother of Tampa Bay, we will see who is whose daddy now! I will no longer be your son but you will be my son! I’m your daddy and your son just like you are my daddy and my son! We will see who gets the last laugh!
These corrupt minions will never learn that I reign Supreme. I am the chosen leader of this flock and it is behind me which we shall rally and rejoice as tomorrow brings a brighter day to this dark stain in history. With the support of numerous moderators who yet to have joined Miege’s ring of criminals, we will be launching a formal impeachment article to the league shortly. With the amount of evidence ranging from collusion, to treason, to bribery, to extortion, to fraud and identity theft, Miege can either resign now and retain ownership over ONE team or suffer the consequences and be permanently banned!
Fear not my fervent flock - I will guide you into the prosperity for which we are destined. With me, we will crush the political establishment once and for all! For I, and only I, can solve these problems. Join me. Repent and you will be saved. Join me and you will be a part of a movement. Join me and together we will make fantasy basketball great again!
You’re probably wondering how we got here. Why would Poopy trust me, a person who has been called Miege’s butt minion, to post this story? Well, it’s probably because the Tampa Bay Times is regarded as the best paper in the business.
When Poopy asked me to narrate his thoughts, to publish an account of the biggest scandal in league history, of course I was skeptical. However, my non-partisan team has decided to provide Poopy the platform he desires to tell his story.
The following depiction is based on true events that occurred in Poopy’s head. Nothing has been omitted and sources have been cross referenced.
In the fantasy basketball system, collusion based offenses are especially heinous. In this GM league, the dedicated detective who investigate these vicious felonies is a member on an interesting team known as Sir King Poopy. This is his story.
The Poopy Story: The untold tale of a hero stopping the greatest steal in the history of corruption
Have you ever wondered how one team is so successful year after year? Have you ever stopped and asked yourself if the system was designed this way - to make the rich even richer while the rest of us are left behind to fend for scraps?!
We all know what that’s like. We all know how it feels to be hungry and tired and at an unbelievable disadvantage. We know these feelings because of the corruption that has run rampant in this league for far too long.
Gone are the days of prosperity and hope. Gone are the days of winning. We don’t win anymore. And why is that? Is it because of bad luck and complacency? No! It’s because of deception, and lies, bad deals, and corruption! It is because of Miege!
Over the course of the last several years, we’ve seen a collapse of our once great league at the hands of a commissioner who once claimed to be a man of the people. A man like you and me. But he was nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing! An imposter! A fraud! Fake news!
What you’re about to read comes from countless hours of testimony from the great flock of owners who are no longer willing to stand idly by while Miege’s corruption runs unchecked. I must warn you, these accounts have been independently corroborated and will paint the picture of wide scale corruption swallowing our once prosperous league. We will defeat the corruption and take back what is ours. We will drain the swamp of butt minions and we will make fantasy basketball great again!
It was a hot summer day in July 2017. Fresh off of my 8th championship, my inbox was flooded with messages from a certain gambling addict whose wife had just left him. This pathetic minion was begging me not to win another championship, hounding me for advice, and pleading with me to not steal his wife! I guess what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas, does it peasant? For far too long, this jabroni wanted to be like me. He wanted to be a ten time champion, king of the league, envied by every single owner. But alas, he was nothing more than jealous trash. Jealous of my superiority. Jealous of my accomplishments. But, and probably saddest of all, he was jealous of his wife for having me all to herself.
Yes, many people say it was in that moment of when Vegas realized that he was just no match for my greatness. He was nothing more than a gnat aimlessly flying in the wind. A mere peasant. And it was in this moment that he tried to take action and have me banished from the league. He ran to his butt minion Miege and said that I called him names and hurt his feelings. Snowflake!
Miege had been drunk with power long before this incident, but this was just the enabling he needed to throw a coup and steal the commissioner election from me! He knew I had the votes to win - it was a landslide! But Miege cheated and fraudulent stole the election. The poll he put up changed all the votes from me to him. He stole it in plain sight! Rigged!
But, I, a man of honor, truth, and decency, vowed to do what was right for our league and return to my throne as the King since that’s a more powerful and desirable title than commissioner anyway. I promised my flock that I would be the shepherd they deserved. A real man of the people and that I would stop this brazen corruption once and for all!
If we know one thing about Miege, other than his corruption and lying nature, we know that he will do anything to win. He’s a notorious bully and a cheater.
According to multiple sources, Miege has, on at least 45 occasions, demanded that they trade him certain players, withdrawal a bid from a free agent, and has strong armed them into massively overpaying for a free agent just to take up cap space so that his team would win the player.
One source, under the condition of anonymity, fighting through a stream of sobs and tears said, “I don’t even cry like this when my team loses and we lose a lot. Like a lot. I’m a terrible owner and an embarrassment to the entire state of Nevada. But when Miege bullies me, it scares me. I feel like I have to do what he says because he has threaten to kick me out of the league if I don’t comply. He controls everything - including the mods.”
The moderators of this league used to be good. Now they’re swamp creatures. Miege has only inserted his butt minions like Tampa Bay, Vegas, Colorado, and Miami into his inner circle. There is no fairness here - these mods are just another enabling layer to Miege’s disdain for law and order. Miege has also replaced owners with minions who kiss his ring every chance they get. OKC and Boston are baby back bitches for following along with this charade! Miege ensures he has the following to control not only the league, but the commissioner elections for decades to come. It’s a scandal!
And it’s not just the power moves inside this inner circle, but also the collusion. In at least 112 incidents, Miege has colluded with numerous teams and engaged in several quid pro quos. This ranges from shoddy back room deals lined up for years in advance, to mathematical inconsistencies to inflate his salary cap while deflating others. Of course, the Fake News media and the Fake News moderators won’t insert themselves into stopping this abuse of power because they are in on it!
Furthermore, censorship against these allegations and truths has hit an all time high. Miege has denied my freedom of speech and has deleted 203 posts I’ve made demonstrating indisputable evidence against his high crimes. He’s destroyed evidence!
But perhaps one of the more insidious things Miege has done recently is his adoption of a second persona. Multiple sources have confirmed that Miege is also the Greatman! That’s right - Miege now has TWO teams in this league and it is his intention to steal the title right out from under us! Do not let this happen. Miege will inevitably deny this. The “greatman” will deny this but don’t be fooled. This is just another tactic by Miege to stop our great movement. We cannot let this happen!
Fighting a righteous war is never easy. In times of desperation and hardship, Kings rise above the rest. When Vegas’s ex wife, who is now my ex-wife, was stolen from me by that butt minion Tampa Bay, I was crushed. How could my father do that to me? But Kings do not wallow! They do not get mad. They get even! So as I am preparing to marry the mother of Tampa Bay, we will see who is whose daddy now! I will no longer be your son but you will be my son! I’m your daddy and your son just like you are my daddy and my son! We will see who gets the last laugh!
These corrupt minions will never learn that I reign Supreme. I am the chosen leader of this flock and it is behind me which we shall rally and rejoice as tomorrow brings a brighter day to this dark stain in history. With the support of numerous moderators who yet to have joined Miege’s ring of criminals, we will be launching a formal impeachment article to the league shortly. With the amount of evidence ranging from collusion, to treason, to bribery, to extortion, to fraud and identity theft, Miege can either resign now and retain ownership over ONE team or suffer the consequences and be permanently banned!
Fear not my fervent flock - I will guide you into the prosperity for which we are destined. With me, we will crush the political establishment once and for all! For I, and only I, can solve these problems. Join me. Repent and you will be saved. Join me and you will be a part of a movement. Join me and together we will make fantasy basketball great again!